oops i did it again

Well, it's been a while since I made a ridiculous decision about my life so I went ahead and put a toe in the water of the next one... I should probably get round to actually updating my blog and write about the last few! This one is a plan for 2018 and I'm cautiously excited to see how it turns out.

What I learned about... putting my motives where my mouth is

Hey, it's me.
You know how terrible I am at making decisions (see previous posts)?
I think I just made another one. It's pretty big, but it's also kind of not. I hope. I'm going to consider it practice for future me going on into the world of politics....

What I learned about... the probably evil complex female character trope

Don't get me wrong, I love a strong female character in a film or tv show and I really want there to be more shown. But there's one kind of character trope I keep seeing that basically I think is writers trying too hard. A woman who is intelligent and often a leader in her field: a doctor, a lawyer, a detective, a professor... but as the plot unfolds we find out some things about her that we don't like. Is this an interesting story, her motivation, or is she actually a bad person?


Here's Annalise Keating, played by Viola Davis. In How to Get Away With Murder, she plays a brilliant defence lawyer who despite her "hard" exterior wants to push and protect her students. We see her with several lovers during the series and we could forgive her some indiscretions. Then, maybe because this is how such tv shows are written, we start to find out more about her past, and the present isn't looking good either - but why? She was a good enough character to start with, there was plenty going on with the actual plot, since she appears to get a new murder case every month, so why make her character so flawed?

Carrie-Anne Moss, my motivation for writing this post, has managed to play 2 of these.

In Jessica Jones, she plays Jeri Hogarth, also a defence lawyer, in the process of getting a divorce. Again, we have to assume that defence lawyers possibly aren't always motivated by the best of intentions, and again she's a fantastic character. I just can't find anything to like about her. The divorce plot makes sense, I just think she needed another side to her if we are to believe Pam wanted to marry her in the first place.

Meanwhile in the UK, she appears in Humans as a possibly suspect software guru... avoiding spoilers (because I started writing this post some weeks ago) she again comes across as cold and unapproachable. Could we have a character who is touched by grief and yet isn't portrayed as less human than the robots in this show? I have hopes...

what I learned about.... becoming a Mac user

Dear Windows,
I have to tell you this, and it won't be easy for either of us. You see, I've been seeing someone else for a few months now. They're not even my type; I think if it was someone like Linux, people would find it easier to understand. You probably know them. It's a Mac.

I started as many do, with an ipad. I refuse to have an iphone, because I hate them. But, I was offered the chance to have an ipad for free, and it came in very handy. I even started using it at work. It's a slippery slope. Before long I was even paying for apps.

Speaking of work, this was the next step in the affair. I managed to get a job at the only school in the area that uses Apple instead of Windows PCs throughout. So when I needed a new laptop, a MacBook was the inevitable choice. I currently have 2, as work have lent me one too. It's old and clunky, but I have to say it's fairly indestructible. The MacBook Air that is my new beau is like lightning. It's fast, it's beautiful, I can type in the dark, the screen is crisp... I think I might be in love.

So. Do I miss you, Windows? Of course. You were my first love. You saw me through my A Levels, through writing my dissertation in a basement library and a basement flat and saving it all on 3 and a half* inch floppy disc. I have a fierce nostalgia for when we first started using PowerPoint in teaching instead of a million worksheets and writing on OHP transparencies with pen; everyone animated everything and filled it with sound effects. I didn't realise how much I relied on you until I didn't have you any more, and if that isn't the story of so many relationships I'll right click on delete.

Of course, one should always write a list when making a decision, so...

WINDOWS
- I didn't ever realise how annoying the system sounds were until I realised OS only really has 2 or 3 sounds. So soothing.
- You crash. You freeze. You make me use Internet Explorer which is like time travel. The bad kind.
- The menu system got unusable but Windows 10 didn't sort it out either.
+ PowerPoint. I'm sorry. Once I got over the early 00s whistles and bells this ended up being my favourite and most relied upon programme and I have literally cried bitter tears over KeyNote and all the things it does not do... but Powerpoint on a Mac sucks. It really sucks.
+ The Office suite in general. The irony is of course, I wouldn't have it now anyway because I can't afford it and I'm using the free stuff anyway.

MAC OS
- Why? Why the decision to not have the right click options? I have set it up now but I don't think my fingers will ever stop going for those things that just aren't there. Plus my laptop can't always tell when I'm two finger scrolling or trying to right click.
- I literally cannot find anything ever. And you do not make it easy to search for. Googling does not always help. I've asked a lot of stupid questions.
* I have no idea how to write a 'half' symbol. I only found the # about 2 weeks ago.
- Takes about 3 weeks to log on and off
- Pages. It's a piece of shit, more so after 20 years of Word!
+ IMovie. Honestly, I learned it super quick and I love it. Once I found all my photos.
+ Having a lot of things open at once. OK, this is the reason people have a Mac. On the big screen at work, with a mouse, I really enjoy this; you can have a zillion things open and it all works, you can drag and drop and the screen is beautiful and crisp. So far, no freeze.
+ Screenshots. It's total bullshit that you have to press 3 buttons to get one but it's so good when you do and it sits on the desktop so you don't lose it in all the stuff.

So, I'm going to carry on seeing the Mac for a while. Please don't take it personally, Windows, because I'll probably always love you (XP excepted). I'm sure there are others out there who will stay loyal to you forever....

Yours awkwardly,
Ju x

Thanks, Amy Johnson

Thanks, Amy Johnson.
Thanks for being a role model to so many and one who came from my own city.
Thanks for going ahead with your career after getting up and leaving because a man was rubbish to you.
Thanks for showing us all that a woman can be a fantastic engineer and a brave pilot.
Thanks for wearing trousers and fixing engines and making bumpy landings and being badass.
Thanks for inspiring a festival that brought massive moths to the city of Hull.
Thanks for those moths being the motivation for me to spend time with the most amazing woman I know.
Thanks for showing me you can mess it up from time to time and still be remembered for the right reasons.
You were lost but it means that your memory lives on in all of us.
Thanks, Amy Johnson.

What I learned about... attending an open audition

A few weeks ago the following video was broadcast on the BBC's local news and social media for Hull and the area, seeking a brand new presenter for the City of Culture year 2017 - no experience needed.

 I instantly decided this was something I wanted to do. Remember those decisions I made in June? One was the start of a relationship, which unfortunately ended this week. One was to do with work - I got the job but it doesn't start for another month. There have been a lot of times over the last few weeks when I started to regret those decisions. But when I sat down and thought about it (and believe me I did), I realised that the risks had paid off. I could have missed out on those months with someone I really like. I could have gone back to my old job when it was offered to me and not gone through with the new one... The thing is, I took the risk. This was about putting myself out there and giving that calculated risk a chance to pay off.

I avoided making any other plans for Saturday 8th October so that I was free to attend the audition. The downside of this was that all my friends were scattered all over the place so I ended up going alone. A few days beforehand, I did a bit of research to find out who was on the panel and the kind of thing they'd be looking for. I wrote down all the things I wanted to say and thought about how I would get my personality across. My mum helped with suggestions of what to wear and lent me a City of Culture badge to pin on my jacket. Getting all the things I wanted to say into one minute proved more difficult. I had several practices recording myself which I've uploaded to YouTube. This also reminded me to remember some basic presenting skills like smiling, looking into the camera and leaving my hair alone. On Saturday morning I arrived at Hull Truck Theatre to find a large queue already there and it continued to grow as we were filmed for local media. That's my backside in the HDM's photo:

We were given a number but soon told to come back later as things seemed to be going pretty slowly. I finally got to audition at about 6pm.

It was by then pretty quiet in the theatre but inside the studio things were pretty X Factor, with a judging panel, spotlight, cameras and judge buzzers. I said hello, said my things, kept to a minute and that was it! I'm so glad I did it, as I felt really proud of myself afterwards and everyone I spoke to said the same. There were all kinds of different people there, and I spoke to some people I see around Hull all the time and that's what it's all about. The day was rounded off by taking part in a social media trailer for Middle Child (hanging around in an empty nightclub was suitably creepy) and playing a terrible game of charades at a house party.

What did I learn? I'm ok on my own, I have good friends and people are most often good.

Here's what I learned about making decisions [1 July 2016]

In the week after the nation made a huge and ridiculous decision, I found that I had a couple of my own to make.

The biggest was about work. Having just accepted a new job (yay me!), I was offered a position at the place where I used to work previously. It was a case of the head versus the heart. I only spoke to a small number of people about it but the advice was: sum up the pros and cons, you will be letting someone down so try not to make it personal, and think about the long term. I think I did all these things. it was tough, but I went with the head for a number of reasons, and for possible future career opportunities. On Friday I was offered a compromise, which would have allowed me to go back to the previous school for the couple of months before the new job starts. Went into the weekend pretty happy but by Monday that deal was off the table. Time for another adventure in the unexpected I suppose! What I learned is that although the whole thing was pretty stressful (on top of a fraught week at work), I kept communicating, I didn't stick my head in the sand and I made a decision rather than letting it happen to me.

The other decision was entirely a personal one and literally only one person knows about it. I've never really been someone who goes out to get a thing simply because. Perhaps as a result of doing this with the new job, and almost definitely as a result of previously mentioned stressful week, I went out and did it. I put myself out there in a way I've rarely done before... and it paid off. And I hope this is a GOOD THING and I'm really excited (ooh, mystery!)